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Loading ...The following was originally posted in 2003 on one of my earlier blogs. It actually began as an e-mail I sent a friend . . . anyway, I am happy to say that my viewpoint still has not changed. Enjoy.
I will never own a mini-van. I just don’t want to be that guy. It’s like wadding up every little bit of ambition, manhood, dreams, goals, future achievement, individuality and any other buzzword signaling freedom of destiny - - then tossing it into a garbage disposal and flipping the switch. You sit there and watch, zombiefied, for the next 20 some-odd years as the grinders dissolve your sovereignty chunk by chunk until there is nothing left. And when it is done, you don’t have the energy to rebuild all those ambitions that took you your entire life to develop before you foolishly disposed of them when you bought the mini-van.
Sure, there will be days when you’re dropping the team off at softball practice, you think about reclaiming any semblance of a life. But you cannot. You are a mini-van driver. You have a duty to your family, your children and the team. All those other parents are depending upon you to get their kids to the pool, to practice, to the movies. And later, you’ll reflect on those days with odd fondness, remembering all those groceries you brought home to the family like a mighty hunter bringing his kill. You get googly-eyes over the memories of all those interstate trips you took as a family, singing stupid-ass songs and telling lame-ass jokes. You’ll reflect upon all those cheesy, grubby, nappy-haired little kids you chauffeured around, and think to yourself “I did a good thing.”
Maybe you did. Maybe you didn’t. The only thing for sure is, you gave up on the American Dream all because you bought a mini-van. I don’t care how cool they look these days, or how many doo-dads come with it. It’s still a mini-van. In the words of one of my generation’s greatest philosophers, Butthead, “You can’t polish a turd, Beavis.”
No sir, I’ll never own a mini-van.
Chad Gramling is a baseball loving author, Christian and family man. WordUp is his platform for discussing what's on his mind, his publishing endeavors and pretty much anything else.
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