WordUp by Chad Gramling

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Note: This is a pretty lengthy post, I know. Before you read it, it might be helpful if you also read the following posts: Meditations & Visions | Meditations & Visions - Part II

I was raised in a home where there was very little parental control or involvement. My father and mother had their demons (mother still does). Consequently, neither of them went to great strides to provide any form of spiritual guidance. My mother was raised Catholic and took me to church until I had my first communion.

As a result, my life was pretty much one of self reliance. I knew in my mind that it was the only way in which I would survive. Sadly, depending upon my parents would have merely been wishful thinking and ultimately would lead to disaster.

I did what I had to survive. I shoveled sidewalks, raked leaves, mowed lawns, watched houses and pets when people were away . . . pretty much anything I could to earn money. When I was old enough, I got a paper route – in fact, I think I had a total of five or six when all was said and done.

I learned to purchase and cook my own meals, do my own laundry, get myself ready for school . . . all the things that parents should be doing for their kids. Heck, I even played little league in front of everyone else’s families on many occasions (to be fair, my father tried to be at as many games as he could, often falling asleep during them – but he was there when he could be and I will always appreciate that . . . RIP dad).

I don’t say all this to boast or puff out my chest. In fact, in school, these realities were a source of shame. My cooperative education teacher was amazed that I refused to invite my parents to our year end banquet to “celebrate” our achievements our senior year. When pressed, I told her point blank that I have an alcoholic father who works third and a mother who is a chronic depressant paranoid schizophrenic with major social anxiety. I think she only half believed me, but responded by asking if I was alright. Looking back on it further, I am glad neither of us continued after that point, because things could have gotten ugly.

Regardless, I viewed self-sufficiency as the only means. That meant developing a street smarts mentality. It meant being headstrong in my ways. It meant doing everything myself. Because of this, I have NEVER fit in with any one particular group. People simply don’t understand me. Likewise, I don’t understand them because I have always found it hard to accept that everyone else isn’t like me.

Then, following a great many events that were all divinely entwined, I became a Christian.

Without realizing the true significance of what I was doing, I was asking Christ into my life. I had no idea I was submitting to Him – had I thought about it with my brain rather than my heart, I probably would have laughed off the situation and avoided it entirely.

But I had done it and there was no going back. That is true because I always finish what I start – so I am a Christian to the end.

Now, to the vision (finally, you say):

As a very young Christian, I was determined to do it MY way. I would take MY time and learn at MY pace and do what I WANTED TO DO. I had little use for Sunday School and even church if I didn’t want to go. This was personal.

Boy, was I missing the point.

Jesus knew this, and He told me so. Through the severance of my head, Christ challenged me to become submissive and to forfeit my mental possessions. Many of my beliefs need to be reconsidered. What I was doing was an act of treason to the King and punishable by decapitation.

This is the simple interpretation. But I think there is more (and it involves a confession):

I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON.

Yes, I said it. I am mean, moody, vulgar, greedy, rude and selfish. There are days that I am angry because of the simple fact that I am awake. And I take it out on everyone around me.

I ended the last post with this scripture:

2 Corinthians 5:16-17 — So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

I did so because there is a lesson here.

When I was in college, I attempted to become a new person. Away from my home and the friends I had known from elementary school through high school, I was able to do a lot of things that I never did before.

Because I was so busy working in high school, I had little time to become involved in school activities. So, when I got to Tri-State University, when all I HAD to do was study, I took my life to a new extreme and got involved in pretty much every organization on campus. In doing so, I endued up becoming an officer and often president of those organizations. I had led many organizations by the time I graduated.

Am I proud? Maybe. It looks good on a resume and I learned a lot from the experiences. But what did I forfeit?

Again, I didn’t fit in with most groups. I was never really in a clique. I had friends, some of them will be my most cherished friends for the rest of my life, but I was too busy being me, that I neglected those around me.

Matthew 22: 36-40 - Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Again, I was too busy being me. I was not honoring God. I was not honoring my neighbors. In doing so, I was abrasive, confrontational, irrational, demanding, rude and downright stupid.

I have been caught up in caring mostly about myself for about thirty years now and I am guessing it is time that I change my tune. Otherwise, “I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”

So, I conclude this long and drawn out message with an apology. To everyone I have ignored and possibly hurt in the process of being ME, I am sorry I never took the time to get to know you better. I am going to spend the remainder of my life trying to make up for it.

May God bless you!